I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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