Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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