i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize