She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
