Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
no, he came in my armpit
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
