I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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