Dude my mom stole all your condoms
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
