How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
