So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
