Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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