to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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