Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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