Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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