I am in a vortex of obligation.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
