Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
