I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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