Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
