I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
