They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
