HIV tests are more positive than that guy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
