dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just had sex on a roof
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize