Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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