I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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