I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A+ Viking dick
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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