Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
