dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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