If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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