does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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