The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
nutella sex= disaster
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
