Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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