I just saw a hot homeless man
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
wow bdsm is so cute
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
