Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
