I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize