Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
