She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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