i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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