KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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