im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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