I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
