I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize