im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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