You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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