Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
