I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Bring me that man meat
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
