Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
