Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
