I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
