I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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