I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
