Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
