I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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