I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
