so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think your dad took our porno
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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