he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
vagina is talking i cant
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
