It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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