Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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