Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
