just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
