I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
