In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
