this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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