I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
