Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
