how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
