Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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