so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
