Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
