She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
