if you like me you must not know who I am
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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