I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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