i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
