In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
