Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
