oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
