I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
