Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
