My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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