pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Randomize
