Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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