dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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