there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
