i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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