In the future we'll all be gay
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
