Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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