My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
