ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
