he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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