How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
