all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize